I may as well start by telling you that I LOVED wedding planning. So much so that after “tying the knot”, I literally had to resist the urge to quit my job and become a wedding coordinator. Wedding planning can be challenging, but it can also be a whirlwind of fun and creativity! Looking back, I know there is wisdom to be passed along to all you brides-to-be from the countless hours of planning put into my weekend of love.
Read below for my advice and insight on planning a wedding that is filled with good company, lots of laughs and no shortage of love. Not in the mood to read? At least scroll down to the bottom to watch our super rad, breathtaking wedding video. You won’t regret it.
Vendors, Vendors, Vendors!
Let me say it again. Vendors. The vendors you choose will truly be your heroes and the backbone of your day, so put thought into the selection process. That being said, before you get down n’ dirty trying to pick the perfect florist, create a budget with your partner and use it to prioritize all your wedding expenses. Photography and videography were important to me, and food was important to my husband. For both of us, time spent with family and friends was at the top of the list, so we knew we needed to find a venue that we could rent for multiple days.
Budget early. Prioritize with your partner. Don’t be afraid to disagree on what you value most (photo and video were at the bottom of my husband’s list). Book kick ass vendors whose vibes vibe with your vibes, if you know what I mean. Once you’ve chosen your people, tell them what you want, but be open to their advice. Finally, be sure to tip and thank them. We gave each of our vendors a box of home-baked cookies with their tips, and they were all stoked about that.
A full list of our wedding vendors is included at the bottom of this post, so be sure to read through. We put a lot of time into researching our vendors, and highly recommend each of them. A huge part of wedding planning is picking your team, so take time to do it right.
Consider a First Look
Okay, I know I’ll get some haters for this one, but sorry not sorry. Trust me, I was a “the first time my groom sees me, needs to be when I am walking down the aisle” type of bride too, but our photographer posed a super convincing argument in favor of a first look (refer back to wedding planning tip No. 1, be open to your vendors advice). I will never regret that decision. His perspective: that moment would be more special without hundreds of eyeballs watching and without the pressure of vows, etc. He could not have been more right.
Our photographer, along with our videographers, drove us separately into the beautiful Van Damme State Park, and my we had a magical, memorable, private moment together. Then we were able to take the obligatory posed family and bridal party photos before the ceremony, instead of after, and we actually got to be present for majority of our cocktail hour. Trust me, the flow of your day will be more organic without the bride, groom, bridal party, and immediate family members (AKA the most important people) gone for an hour to take photos that won’t even be your favorite ones.
Long story short, I am a “first looks are the best thing ever” type of bride now. It really is the best way to maximize your time and elevate your guests’ experience.
Spoiler alert! If you do a first look, the moment you see each other walking down the aisle will still be incredibly special, no matter how many people think otherwise. You just get two special moments, instead of one.
Hire a Wedding Coordinator
If you think hiring a coordinator is a “rich people” thing, it’s not, I can assure you. It’s an “I don’t want to coordinate my own wedding day” thing. Most coordinators have packages at different price points, which often include options for day-of (which is definitely not enough, you will need help with all the details leading up to the big day), month-of and full coordinating services.
Once you find a coordinator, make sure they understand your vision and communicate with them extensively so your part can end as soon as your wedding day (or weekend) begins. Our coordinator was so involved in our wedding planning process, and knew exactly what we wanted, so she was able to literally set up our entire wedding for us. She managed the vendors and made sure that no one from the wedding had to set up a plate, flower, fork or decoration on the day of. It was pure bliss compared to the hours of setup I have done at every wedding I have been a bridesmaid for.
In case you are not already convinced, believe me when I say that hiring a coordinator will be worth the investment. They will plan with you. They will help you find vendors. They will guide you in creating a timeline. They will implement said timeline. They will make sure you actually eat food on your wedding day. They will make sure you and your partner have moments alone together (and not just picture-taking moments). They will make sure you are always focused on your love, and not a small detail no one will remember. Most importantly, they will worry about all the details, so you don’t have to. What are you waiting for? Go get a coordinator!
Rule No. 1: There are no rules
Whatever rules you think there are, ignore them. Your wedding is about you and your partner, and you want it to be a reflection of the love you share. So let your freak flag fly! When you look around on your day, and when you look back at photos, you want to see that love in every detail. Which is exactly what I had at my wedding.
We did a first look. We skipped the garter and bouquet tosses. We didn’t make our bridal party walk awkwardly across the reception venue to be introduced. Instead, we ate pizza. We danced our asses off. We drank beer out of bottles in Star Wars koozies. We took shots of my late grandfather’s blackberry whisky. We laughed. We cried. My brother lost his pants. Our flower girl skipped down the aisle. I wore shoes with mermaids on them. My husband wore a green suit. We were surrounded by amethyst crystals, locally grown flowers, hand-painted Beavis and Butthead cornhole boards, newborn babies, friends, family, love, laughter. And it could not have been more “us”.
Do what makes you happy, not just what you think you have to do because it is traditional. But if tradition makes you happy, surround yourself with all the tradition in the world, and don’t let me convince you otherwise.
Think Through Your Guest List
There are a million “should they be invited to your wedding” flow charts on the internet for a reason. It is a really hard decision to make. You stumble through life and watch people bounce in and out of it year after year, then your partner pops the question, and all of a sudden you are both forced to evaluate every single relationship in a very short period of time. It’s a difficult element of the wedding planning process.
Obviously, your budget will dictate how many people you can realistically invite to the wedding. Keep that in mind and also remember that not everyone will be able to attend. Some people say ten percent of those invited will decline, our percentage was way higher because the destination was a bit of a trek to get to.
My biggest piece of advice is to surround yourself with people who make you feel special, from bridal party to family to friends and everyone in between. Limit as many obligatory invites as possible. Your wedding guests will have a huge influence on your day, and you should invite people who will bring a positive energy to the celebration. They will dance with you and embrace you and you will want to be encompassed by people who envelop you and your partner with love as you start your journey of marriage together.
That being said, start your seating chart early and make it adjustable. Tech savvy? Use an Excel spreadsheet. Old School? No shame in that game, I was too! Use poster board and Post-It notes.
DIY IT or Buy IT?
Let’s be honest here. We have all witnessed a “Pinterest Fail” in the flesh. When you are wedding planning, it is easy to say “I can just make that myself,” thinking it will save money or it will be more personal. Just because you can get down with the DIY, does not mean you always should. That being said, my husband and I actually had a lot of items made by hand at our wedding (mostly because I am super particular and wanted coordinating fonts and fun, funky verbiage on everything from signage to invitations).
My father-in-law is great with wood, so he custom built our ceremony pedestals, massive seating chart chalkboards, chalkboard easels, and cornhole boards. Then, we got to work customizing, which was a b*tch and was extremely time consuming. I repeat, EXTREMELY time consuming.
If you choose to go the DIY route, remember that it takes a lot of time to make things look professionally made, and that decision basically boils down to time versus money. For us, we did not want to sacrifice the look and feel that we wanted, but we could not afford to have everything made to that level. I knew I could do it myself, so I did!
Honestly, I won’t even try fully describing the insanity that went into the creation of our invitations. To put it briefly, we literally ironed paper that was made out of recycled jeans. It took an immense amount of time and attentiveness to produce the quality of the finished product. There is a slippery slope between beautiful, pro-level crafted invites and handmade hodge-podge. Make sure you don’t end up on the side of the latter. Be realistic about your DIY decisions. If you choose to hand make anything, start way earlier than you think you need to and do not procrastinate.
Weight Does Not Dictate Beauty
It’s the 21st century, and I find it ridiculous that this still has to be a wedding planning tip. You are more than a number on a scale, and the intensity of your bridal beauty does not increase as that number decreases. There, I said it.
Most brides feel pressured to be “thin” on their wedding day, and it is so not necessary. Instead of stressing about changing your body to look like someone else, focus on becoming the healthiest version of yourself. It requires way less energy and will inevitably make you glow from the inside out.
Healthy does not mean skinny, and it definitely does not mean skipping meals, spending endless hours in a gym, and beating your body into submission. You will just end up not looking or feeling like yourself. Trust me, you do not want to be the bride who only eats 800 calories per day for months then ends up with diarrhea on your wedding night because you actually ate the meal you spent over a year planning for. There’s nothing sexy about that.
I skipped the super restrictive diet and I also did not feel bad about eating 5 slices of pizza, cake, pie and about 27 cookies (and drinking excessive amounts of rosé) on my wedding day. Keep it simple. Eat healthy, whole foods. Hydrate. Make time for moderate exercise. Get your beauty rest.
To be honest, I am convinced that wedding dresses are magical garments, designed to make you look incredible no matter what you’ve been eating. Pick a dress that suits your body type (read Jen’s tips on choosing a wedding dress in her wedding planning post) and don’t f*ck with the magic by buying it three sizes smaller because you think you will lose 25 pounds before the big day. You will have better places to spend your time, I promise.
Trust Your Gut
Above all else, trust your gut with every little wedding planning detail. You know you best, and you know your partner best. You owe it to yourself to trust your instincts and stay true to what you believe is best for the two of you. This does not mean you get to be a bridezilla. It means that you should put it all on the table during the wedding planning process so you can hand over the reins and let the chips fall where they may on your day.
DJ wants to play a song that you hate? Ask them not to. Feeling uneasy about someone on the guest list? Have a conversation with them. Unhappy with the way your MUA did your eyeliner at the trial run? Tell them. You don’t have to be a d*ck about it, but be honest to avoid ending up with regrets or day-of stress.
As we were wedding planning, my husband and I each had something that we were uneasy about. We let it slide, mostly out of a sense of obligation, and for the sake of brevity, I’ll just say that we should have trusted our gut. There is absolutely nothing that has the power to ruin your day, unless you give it the power to do so (read more about this in the next tip), but there is no reason not to be open and honest to avoid any potential stressors on the day of. Trust your gut.
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
Plan to not have everything go according to plan, but also plan to not give a sh*t when something doesn’t go according to plan. This goes for both the wedding planning process and for the day of. While planning, you will certainly have to pivot (PIVOT! PIVOT! PIVOT! for all my Friends fans). Life doesn’t stop because you are wedding planning, and it is often filled with accidents and road blocks.
If you get stressed, narrow your focus and tackle the tasks in bite sized pieces, one at a time. Be flexible, and stay focused on what is really important: your marriage.
For your wedding day, remember that you plan for months, maybe even years, and your day will seem to go by in the blink of an eye. Do not spend a single second of it upset that one small detail went astray. Your day is so much bigger than any detail and as cliché as it is, trust that everything will happen for a reason.
Real-life example: I forgot my beautiful, hand-made veil and was super disappointed. BUT! We had gale-force winds at our ceremony and that big ass piece of tulle would have been flapping around without abandon. Laugh it off, and trust that no matter how detrimental you think it may be, chances are that no one will even notice.
Enjoy the Process
You are engaged for only a small portion of your life, so enjoy it! The wedding planning process truly is a magical time, and it is a wonderful opportunity for you to connect with your partner in a unique, once-in-a-lifetime way.
Treat every decision as a moment for you to enjoy and bond with the love of your life, and have fun in all those little experiences. Try not to get too swept up in wedding planning that you forget explore and nurture your relationship. Use the time of your engagement to reflect on the journey that has brought the two of you together.
As you are wedding planning, remember that your day will be more than just a big party and focus your attention on your ceremony as well. When you look back, that will be the part of your day that you hold most dear to your heart. Above all else, continue to remind yourself that the wedding is just the beginning, not the end.
BONUS TIP: Do a Boudoir Shoot
If you have considered a boudoir shoot, do it. If you have not, do it. You absolutely will not regret it. As mentioned previously, this is such a wonderful, momentous time of your life and you should document it in as many ways possible.
When I thought of doing a boudoir shoot, I really only thought of it as a gift for my fiancé on our wedding day, but it ended up being so much more than that. Preparing for and participating in the shoot gave me an incredible boost of confidence that I was not expecting, which helped me strut down that aisle like I never would have imagined.
I had my husband’s best friend give him his “gift” right before we did our first look and knowing that the boudoir photos (perfectly packaged in an incredible photo book) were so fresh in his mind felt so exciting for both of us. Bonus tip to the bonus tip: pack some of the lingerie from the shoot for your wedding night. Your partner will notice.
Fun fact: I did my boudoir shoot in Jen’s bedroom (what a great friend, amiright?!) and my mom (who is more than just a mother to me, she’s a BFF) took the photos. Don’t let a budget keep you from doing one. If there’s a will, there’s a way. For those looking to book a photographer who specializes in boudoir shoots, check out the incredible Santa Cruz based Keana Parker.
Wedding Video
Step into our magical wedding world by watching our unbelievable video below. Forestry Films is worth every penny and will create a video that will blow your mind every single time you watch it.
vendor list
- CEREMONY VENUE: Cypress Grove State Park in Fort Bragg, CA
- RECEPTION VENUE: Spring Ranch in Mendocino, CA
- COORDINATOR: Fern Foot Events
- EVENT RENTALS: Matt Rowland Events
- PHOTOGRAPHY: Gabriel Harber
- VIDEOGRAPHY: Forestry Films
- FLORALS: Nye Ranch (now Burns Blossom Farm)
- DJ: Meghan O'Neil from Heart of Gold DJs
- CATERING: Uneda Eat
- CAKES & PIES: Shani’s Sweet Creations
- MAKEUP: April Lopes-Hara
- HAIR: Bridget Kasper
- WEDDING DRESS DESIGNER: Calla Blanche
Whether you are a bride-to-be or just love reading about wedding planning, you are a true rock star if you stuck around to read all this! For all my ladies currently in the wedding planning process, I hope you have found some inspiration in my words and I wish you all the luck in the universe as you gear up for your big day.
xoA
OVER TO YOU
Have any wedding planning tips that I left out? Or maybe you have a question about my wedding planning process? I am always available for more wedding planning chatter (I love love!), so leave a comment below to get the conversation started.
